[Last modified: October, 16 2024 04:28 AM]
Field notes:
Location: UCL Students Centre
Time: 2024/10/11
Maybe gathering information from English-speaking campuses and the internet can significantly enrich my pilot research plan on non-suicidal self-injury (NSSI) among Chinese adolescents and their family systems.
So I chatted with a 22-year-old UCL student, KK, who is a media anthropology student and an adult with NSSI experience. KK came from a small town in Taiwan, always excelled academically. She was the pride of her family, who expected to set a good example. As she grew up, she became accustomed to those high expectations. When she received an offer to study at a UCL, she imagined a new life full of possibilities, new friends, and the freedom to explore her interests. But deep down, she was also anxious. She knew the expectations were high, and the pressure to succeed was immense.
She told me that everything felt different at first-the language, the culture, and even the way people interacted. She struggled with the nuances of academic writing and class discussions and spent hours in the library, studying late into the night, trying to keep up. She often thought about what would happen if she failed.
One night, after a particularly stressful day of classes, KK returned to her dorm room and sat on her bed, staring at the blank wall. She felt a tightness in her chest, a suffocating sense of failure that she couldn’t escape.
In that moment, she felt an impulse self-harm—she didn’t fully understand why, but she felt drawn to the idea. It seemed like a way to release the pressure, even if just for a moment. She found a small knife and made a small, deliberate cut on her arm. The pain was sharp, but it brought a sense of relief, a distraction from the turmoil inside her.
It wasn’t the last time. Whenever she felt overwhelmed she would retreat to her room, roll up her sleeves, and make another cut. She made sure the marks were small, hidden, so no one would notice. It was her secret, a way to regain a sense of control when everything else felt chaotic.
KK knew that what she was doing wasn’t right and turned to counseling services, she was greeted by friendly counselors began to talk. As she continued to visit the counselor over the weeks, she began to open up more. There were times when she relapsed, but she was beginning to see that she didn’t have to carry the burden alone. She still struggled to talk about her mental health with her family, but she was starting to understand that seeking help didn’t make her weak.
KK’s experience is a typical case that NSSI became a way to manage overwhelming emotions, and slso reminds me of the complex interplay between cultural expectations, mental health, and coping behaviors. It helps me understand how different cultures perceive and address mental health issues can help contextualize my findings within the Chinese setting.