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Row, row, row your boat (not so gently) down the stream.

If building the fastest, strongest, most flexible athlete was as easy as baking a cake, records would be broken every day. Before we even start to think about decorating, however, we need to ensure we have good quality flour. Fig. 1 depicts the ideal start-point characteristics for an elite rower, and from this foundation, we can start icing. Our design includes nutritional supplementation, enhancing testosterone levels, heart enlargement, increasing erythrocyte production, and the cherry on top: limb lengthening. All of these augmentations, from aiding metabolic processes to physiologically altering our athlete’s proportions, will provide them with the ultimate advantage – reducing the 2000m record time of 5 minutes 38 seconds to under 5 minutes 30 seconds. The techniques we aim to outline vary from gene doping, surgeries, administering medications and supplements, as well as inserting hormone-releasing-pellets under the skin. To avoid injuries—a.k.a burning our cake, we outline several preventative procedures—setting the oven to the correct temperature.

Gender Male
Age 20 (26 at 2028 Olympics)
Height 190-195cm
Weight 86.5kg
Wingspan 200cm (approx 85.6cm each arm)
BMI 23.5
Natural IGF 1 158-230ng/ml (21-30-year-olds)
Growth Hormone 0.4-10ng/mL or 18-44pmol/L
Erg 6:35
2000m Rowing time 7 minutes

Fig. 1   “Our” athlete