Row, row, row your boat (not so gently) down the stream.

If building the fastest, strongest, most flexible athlete was as easy as baking a cake, records would be broken every day. Before we even start to think about decorating, however, we need to ensure we have good quality flour. Fig. 1 depicts the ideal start-point characteristics for an elite rower, and from this foundation, we can start icing. Our design includes nutritional supplementation, enhancing testosterone levels, heart enlargement, increasing erythrocyte production, and the cherry on top: limb lengthening. All of these augmentations, from aiding metabolic processes to physiologically altering our athlete’s proportions, will provide them with the ultimate advantage – reducing the 2000m record time of 5 minutes 38 seconds to under 5 minutes 30 seconds. The techniques we aim to outline vary from gene doping, surgeries, administering medications and supplements, as well as inserting hormone-releasing-pellets under the skin. To avoid injuries—a.k.a burning our cake, we outline several preventative procedures—setting the oven to the correct temperature.

Gender	Male
Age	20 (26 at 2028 Olympics)
Height	190-195cm
Weight	86.5kg
Wingspan	200cm (approx 85.6cm each arm)
BMI	23.5
Natural IGF 1	158-230ng/ml (21-30-year-olds)
Growth Hormone	0.4-10ng/mL or 18-44pmol/L
Erg	6:35
2000m Rowing time	7 minutes

Fig. 1   “Our” athlete